Former England skipper Lewis Moody has announced he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet deal with the full implications of the muscle-wasting condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was a member of the World Cup champion 2003 side and won several English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast two weeks after learning he has the illness.
"There's a certain looking the future in the face and not wanting to fully comprehend that at the minute," he said.
"This doesn't mean I fail to comprehend where it's progressing. We comprehend that. But there is certainly a unwillingness to confront the future for now."
Moody, conversing with his wife Annie, states instead he feels "peaceful" as he concentrates on his present welfare, his family and making preparations for when the disease worsens.
"Maybe that's shock or possibly I handle situations in another way, and once I have the information, it's simpler," he continued.
Early Signs
Moody learned he had MND after observing some weakness in his shoulder while exercising in the gym.
After physical therapy failed to improve the condition, a series of scans showed neural pathways in his brain and spinal cord had been compromised by MND.
"You're presented with this condition identification of MND and we're rightly extremely emotional about it, but it's quite odd because I sense that nothing's wrong," he continued.
"I don't experience ill. I don't experience unwell
"My indications are quite slight. I have a small amount of muscle deterioration in the hand and the shoulder region.
"I continue to be capable of accomplishing whatever I want. And hopefully that will continue for as long as is feasible."
Disease Development
MND can advance quickly.
Based on the non-profit MND Association, the illness claims a one-third of people within a year and above half within 730 days of diagnosis, as ingestion and respiration become more difficult.
Treatment can only slow deterioration.
"It's not me that I experience sorrow for," commented an emotional Moody.
"There's grief around having to break the news to my mum - as an only child - and the consequences that has for her."
Household Consequences
Conversing from the household with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by sentiment when he spoke about breaking the news to his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the heartbreaking news, stating: "That represented the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two excellent boys and that was quite devastating," Moody said.
"We positioned ourselves on the settee in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog bounded over and commenced removing the moisture off our faces, which was quite funny."
Moody explained the focus was remaining in the moment.
"We have no solution and that is why you have to be extremely strongly concentrated on just accepting and appreciating everything now," he commented.
"According to Annie, we've been truly blessed that the primary determination I made when I retired from playing was to allocate as much time with the kids as possible. We don't get those years back."
Sportsman Connection
Top-level sportspeople are unevenly affected by MND, with research suggesting the incidence of the condition is up to sixfold greater than in the wider community.
It is thought that by limiting the O2 available and causing injury to motor neurone cells, frequent, vigorous physical activity can initiate the disease in those already genetically susceptible.
Athletic Playing Days
Moody, who won 71 England selections and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in recognition of his fearless, relentless approach to the game.
He participated through a stress fracture of his leg for a time with Leicester and once sparked a workout confrontation with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he abandoned a tackle pad and commenced throwing himself into collisions.
After coming on as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the back of the throw-in in the decisive moment of play, establishing a platform for playmaker Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the game-deciding drop kick.
Support System
Moody has earlier told Johnson, who skippered England to that victory, and a few other previous players about his condition, but the remaining individuals will be finding out his news with the rest of public.
"There shall be a moment when we'll need to lean on their assistance but, at the present, just having that sort of care and recognition that people are present is the crucial thing," he commented.
"Rugby is such a excellent family.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even when it ended now, I've appreciated all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you get to consider your love your career, it's one of the greatest blessings.
"Having accomplished it for so extended a period with the teams that I did it with was a delight. And I am aware they will want to help in every way they can and I anticipate having those talks."
